Happy St. Patricks Day… I don’t go out… Ever.
Technorati Tags: antisocial, personality, recluse
Happy St. Patrick’s Day… a day that all of America uses as an excuse to go out and get sloshed. Instead of participating, I spent a quiet night at home. Monday Night Raw was on, and I’m a big fan of John Cena and fake wrestling. Lately, I’ve become a recluse who doesn’t like to go out. I stay at home, follow routines, and rarely hang out with friends anymore. It’s not that I don’t have friends, I received 3 calls to go out tonight for St. Patty’s. This has been going on for nearly a year now, and I enjoy keeping to myself. I often wonder if this personality change is related to my disease. At this point, I intentionally look for women who are “homebodies” and don’t like to go out and party. It’s been 3 weeks or so since things ended with my long-term girlfriend, aka the Promise Ring girl. It was a sudden and unexpected “mutual” break-up, and the reason was a lack of energy in the relationship. Could the lack of energy have been from a lack of sex? At this point we can only speculate. I do blame myself for the end, and miss her terribly.After it ended, I wasn’t as upset as I would have thought. Usually, after the end of a relationship it takes a month or more until I’m back to normal. With the end of this relationship, it only took 2 days. The break-up was initiated on her side, for I would have stuck it out and seen if it would have gotten better. In relationships, I find myself fighting to make it work to the bitter end. A mutual friend of ours told me that she didn’t think the timing was right. How come women always think the timing is off? Is that even really a reason, or just an excuse? Now I am moving on, and not sure where I will go. Being together for such a long time isn’t easy to get over, for you feel very comfortable with that person. This is especially true for a guy who doesn’t like to go out, and structures his life by routines.
So where do I want to be? I would like to have someone around, I miss the feeling of love and support. On the other hand, it is very difficult for me to trust and open up to another person. The bipolar factor doesn’t help, for I don’t want to just spring a bomb on the person. “Surprise! Now that you care about me, I want to let you know I have a mental disease that can be passed onto our children that we may conceive in the future! Why are you scared?” I’m not even sure if I would want children because of that factor.
Are there any women out there who are interested in a guy who likes to stay at home, do the same thing every day, and occasionally go out on the weekends? My father does the same thing, but he’s also 57 years old. I see myself being single for life, but not in a bachelor sense with hooking up all the time. Change is difficult for me, for I find sanity in the comforts of routine and knowing what will happen next. Sorry if I brought you down with this post, but your probably wasted anyway… Happy St. Patty’s Day!
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12 Responses to “Happy St. Patricks Day… I don’t go out… Ever.”
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I am the same exact way, wondering if it is normal. Being on meds for 18 years really does a toll on your body and even though I love kids, I’ve decided that having a neice, nephew and a goddaughter is blessing enough for me….when I get tired or anxious or depressed I can barely take care of myself! And in the past I have fought to save relationships, some literally. (not a good thing!) Change is hard for some people. It sucks because friends and family sometimes have a hard time understanding that. K~
I’m the same way. I’ve never thought too hard about the connection between my introverted personality and being bipolar.
On another note, my son is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I hope with all my heart that I haven’t passed my disease on to him, but I can’t dwell on the possibility. He’s worth it a thousand times over - and I will take the gamble again and again by having more kids in the future!!
Its amazing how having a gentic Disease makes you rethink about having a family. My entire life all i wanted was to be a mother…. But sometime in my craziest of moments, someone asked me….”Do you really want to take the chance of passing it down to your kids?” I hated that person, and how dare they ask me such a thing. But now, years later, and maybe a Little more calmer in my life…I ask myself that question on a regular bases. My Great Great Greandmother lived in a state hospital from age 18-til her death at 57 for manic depression. My Great grandmother commited suicide because of manic depression, My grandmother says that she is sure something is severaly wrong with her, but she is such a religous fantic she refuses to go to a doctor, and then my father discharged from the military for manic depression. Different Word but same thing!! It is going to happen…not matter what, if I have kids….They will have it!! Do I want to put another human being through the pain and the strife that I and so many generations before me has gone through? I honestly think that!! Doesnt mean I wont adopt, or find other ways…but gentically…it wont be mine!! I love children way to much to be so selfish to have a child anyway, even after knowing what would/will happen!
Not goint out and getting sloshed is actually recommended if you want your meds to work and sticking to a routine is also recommended for us of the bipolar ilk. I think you are pretty well adjusted to your condition. I stay close to home too. I’m happier that way.
As to relationships, I understand why that one fell apart….she gave you mixed signals and we don’t deal well with that. You’re right, “timiing” is a convenient “out”. And I still don’t understand the concept of her buying herself a promise ring from you???? I do understand your not wanting to participate in the whole fiasco…It seems to me that you are more stable than your ex and will find someone who is likewise committed to a peaceful way of functioning. Such a person isn’t going to be flipped out by the fact that you are bipolar…it’s not like we are certifiable!!! at least not those of us who have been through therapy and are stable on meds. Give yourself a slap on the back for a job well done. You’re really a girl’s dream…someone with a little substance!
I actually don’t want to have children with anyone with mental illness so my child has a shot of normalcy. Now i am questioning my homebody way of life i have recently taken. Could this really be a way of me hiding out? I don’t talk on the phone a lot now either. I am troubled but my doc doesn’t seem to see any severe warning signs. what did your doc tell you were signs of your bi-polar? my doc is still puzzled w/ me and i dont know how to explain my symptoms well.
I don’t go out either b/c i don’t want to be bothered with anyone elses crap. I’ve got problems of my own.
As for children, I want one someday. I just hope they don’t end up with it.
I myself am very extroverted, but with relationships I tend to be very very introverted and a loner. Whether that has anything to do with Bipolar is hard to say.
I will say that when I am down, not in a severe episode but my normal down, I tend to be very anti-social. The phones rings and I don’t answer it. A group of friends expects me and I make up an excuse why I can’t make it. And then I find myself instead sitting frozen in and chair and staring for hours.
Yes definitely down moods have a very negative affect on me socially.
i to am a homebody..i use to love to go out n party all the time.n now the last yr or so i turn people down all the time..yet i hate sitting home it drives me crazy
i haven’t left the house for 5 days, but to get cart litter so the cat would not use my houseplants for dumping grounds.
when i am like this i feel afraid to go out. i am afraid of my feelings toward others. my feeling of anger toward others and their happy little lives. it pisses me off.
i have been just fine sitting at home looking for work that i can do from home. i have been prolific in recording and writing songs.
i don’t want to be like this. i don’t want to be like this when i am 60.
when i go out, i find myself yearning to get back to the safety of my home.
Ah! Us reclusive bi polars! I used to be the the kind of person you couldn’t keep indoors. Now…its all different. I am amazed at how many of us there really are! I have often wondered what was wrong with me. Well now I know. There is nothing wrong with me!!! I’m bi polar! Its so plain and simple. I hate it and despise it and yet…What would I do without it?
I am such a recluse I found a way to work at a local newspaper as a reporter from home. When they moved their office 18 miles farther away from me I took a stand and said if they still wanted me to write for them they would have to either reimburse my mileage or I would telecommute. Risky but it worked. I am an independent contractor now instead of an employee but I work from my laptop at home writing articles. It is part time for shitty pay but hey it is work and some days I only leave the house to go across the street to the post office box. I am going to grow a garden to supplement our food supply/grocery budget and that is it. Technically with the magic of delivery and online shopping and bill paying one could go pretty long without ever leaving home. THAT might be an unhealthy extreme but it seems pretty tempting to me someday.
Except…I have kids and I do not want them to feel incarcerated.
It’s very odd to be reading this blog and saying, most of the time, to myself “Damn… just like me” … except for change; I want change to come, good change that is.
To answer your question (at least one of them), I really do believe that there a lot of women who fancies a homebody type of guy, as well as the idea of only going out on occasional weekends. Unfortunately, they’re hard to find. The same can be said about men, but I think it’s harder to find a female like that… but certainly not impossible. BTW, this post of yours is not a downer; it’s rather comforting. It doesn’t make me feel so alone. So Thanks.